So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
