How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
