SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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