We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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