i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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