hotel room ftw
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
