He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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