He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
