im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
