So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
