you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
