Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
