I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
