I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
