i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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