So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
