The maid of honor just puked.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
