we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I enjoy the company of your penis
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
