everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
