So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
