im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
