I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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