if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
