I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
