what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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