you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
