Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I touched a dick in church today
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
