My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
BRING THE BAGELS
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
