FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
