you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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