omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
