I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
