new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize