ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
