I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
