I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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