Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
