So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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