ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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