So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
