I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize