Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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