Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
