Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ugly people sure do ruin things
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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