drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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