New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
