You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
