if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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