I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
