is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
