dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
