watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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