I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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