first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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