i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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