sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sucked dick on a ferry
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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