told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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