Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize