yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
