He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
