...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
