I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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