what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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