I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
two words...techno handjob
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
